I am 1 in 10 woman who suffer from endometriosis........

Hello my Loves!!!!

This week has been a rough week to say the least.  I'm not complaining just being transparent.  We are all human, so everyday is not sunshine and rainbows.  Some days are great...others not so great.  This week I found myself having some really low days.  More often than usual for me.  I live by the statement that everyday might not be a good day but there is something good in everyday.  So rather then complain about the things that aren't going right in my life I focus on the things are going great!

Yesterday while scrolling through instagram I came across Kenys's picture.  Halfietruths some might know her by, or Dolewite from 101.1 the beats fiancé.  In this picture she wore a shirt that had one simple word on it....grow.  I instantly liked the picture because I love her.  Her hair is what originally drew me to her but then I started to actually read up on her and follow her for more reasons.  In this particular picture post she opened up about a miscarriage she and her fiancé experienced.  I immediately started to cry...there goes that dern soft side of me.  Lol.  It broke my heart to know that someone so carrying and loving had to experience such a traumatic heartbreak.  I continued to read more of her caption and she began to let others know that she is still growing.  While it might not be how she hoped, she is nonetheless growing.  She gave the statistics about how 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage and majority of them never muster up the strength to discuss what they've gone through.  She let everyone know that she is not alone and neither are they.  With that being said.......I am not pregnant and I did not miscarry.  Lol.

BUT I am one of the 10% of the 176 million women who suffer from endometriosis.  For those of you who don't know, endometriosis is a painful disease in which the tissue that normally lines the inside of the uterus known as the endometrium, grows outside of your uterus.  It can cause pain, sometimes very severe and fertility problems develop.  At age 13/14 ish I started to experience some of the worst stomach pain of my life.  I mean it was unbearable.  Sometimes so bad that I wouldn't even make it to school.  I went to a few appointments had a few tests done and the results came back...I was one of the million woman who suffered from this condition.  I was put on birth control to regulate some of the pain that I was having.  And ugh yeah, that didn't help.  At 17 I went in for a normal yearly checkout up and I found out that my endometriosis had gotten worse.  I was now in Stage 4....severe...I was devastated!! I was informed that in this particular stage of endometriosis your chances of having a baby are at 10%.  Definitely not something I wanted to hear, considering I had looked forward to always being a mother.  My Dr. informed me at the wonderful age of 17 that if I wanted any chance of becoming a mother it was best for me to do so in the next 2-3 years because by age 21 I would need a full hysterectomy.  My eyes filled with tears....I remember this day as if it were yesterday.   No woman wants to ever hear those words.  I prayed...and I cried...and I prayed...and I cried...and I finally picked myself up.  Everyday a different battle.  Everyday I woke up feeling less and less like a woman.  I felt like I had been stripped of something that was so precious.  Something that I dreamed of my whole life.  And in an instance it was shattered....right in front of my very eyes.  By 21 my pain was so bad that I underwent surgery.  I received a hysteroscopy.  I had some polyps and cysts removed and some blood drained.  Hoping that this would fix the issue....to my surprise...it didn't. At 26 I went back to the doctor for the same unbearable pain...my worst nightmare was right in front of my eyes yet again.  Hearing the dreadful words that I'll never be able to conceive a child and that I needed to have this hysterectomy done as soon as possible.  I was yet again faced with this tragedy.  I prayed...and I cried....I prayed...and I cried... 

At the age of 27 I still suffer from this painful disease.  I still battle with the pain, the bloating, the swelling, the feeling of not being complete as a woman.  I cry countless days asking and praying too God to take this pain away.  To heal me from this condition because only he can.  I have really low days...more highs than lows.  Thankfully.  I have a wonderful support team.  Family, friends, God parents...they make the journey easy.  They encourage and the uplift me.  I say all of that to say...I am just like Kenya.  I am growing everyday.  Not in a way that I ever saw myself growing in.  But God has a plan.  I won't lie and say that it is easy to understand it, I won't say that I am always the most confident in it; nevertheless, I trust God and I trust in his plan for my life.  I thought that not having children would crush me.  I could never stomach the thought of me not being a mother.  But if his will calls for such, I know that I will not die.  I will not fall to the ground and crumble.  I will overcome and I will continue to enjoy the rest of the journey that he has for me.  I am a lot more stronger than I actually give myself credit for. 

So just like Kenya...#Iam1in10 and I will not grieve in silence so others can live in comfort.  Kenya, you may never read this blog...but I just want to say thank you.  Thank you for your openness, thank you for being so transparent.  Thank you for motivating me and allowing me to realize that I am not alone either.  Your courage is remarkable.  Your generous spirit that you have to help is unbelievable.  My prayers are with you always and I wish you nothing but the best that life has to offer.  Thank you again.......GROWTH!!!

EVERYDAY MIGHT NOT BE A GOOD DAY BUT THERE IS SOMETHING GOOD IN EVERYDAY!!!!!

Love you always,

Moeneak

Societies outlook on beauty.......

Happy Tuesday Lovies!!!!

Today's blog really doesn't have any long story about why I picked this topic. It's just a topic that I wanted to discuss because I felt like the definition for what others; as well as, what we as women place on what makes us a woman can sometimes be a little unattainable.  Now if you're born a woman obviously you're a woman.  I am referring more so to how we look, how we dress, how we speak, how we act, and how we carry ourselves etc. 

I know as for me, I very rarely leave my house (with the exception of maybe going to workout or to the mailbox) without some kind of makeup, hair done, and some form of a coordinated outfit.  I almost feel a little unlike myself if I don't because I enjoy playing in makeup and enhancing my natural beauty especially given the fact that I work in a warehouse.  It's almost ridiculous to show up to work with a full face of makeup on and my most stylish outfit.  So when I am off the clock or just enjoying my free time I tend too like to look nice and spiffy.  For those of you who actually know me outside of my blogs you know that I am a simple girl.  I wear mostly black everyday, jeans, flats, and I always go for a natural makeup look.  I am never really over the top with anything that I do.  I wear my hair the same way, my outfits are all very similar, my fashion and style is very casual comfortable.  In the past I have found myself having to justify my reasoning for why I choose to carry myself as such.  I have heard that I am fake because I constantly tell other women to embrace their natural hair and beauty but yet I wear makeup and get my nails done.  My answer is very simple to this statement.  I am natural all day everyday.  I am not afraid of what I look like without makeup on, nor am I scared to embrace it.  Just because I choose to wear makeup doesn't make me any less of a natural person.  I am natural all of the time, and this is just one subsection of my naturalness.  Neither state is weird or unusual for me.  I am just as comfortable with myself with a face full of makeup, as I am with myself without any makeup on at all.  The fact that people have a hard time understanding this is completely beyond what I can grasp. 

As some of you may know I lost a lot of weight in the past years and I am yet and still shedding the pounds.  Getting in shape and becoming more healthy has helped me to become more in touch with myself.  I am more conscious of what others see and relate beauty towards.  I am more aware of how society views woman.  I am aware of the different body types that we as woman are criticized for having.  I am aware that I constantly have to keep the appearance of being girlie when sometimes I just want to throw on some sweats and a hoodie and just relax.  This need that we need to justify ourselves one to another and to constantly criticize our own bodies while making commitments and promises to ourselves obsessing over small changes has become so ingrained in our culture and in our everyday lives that it can be hard to just let go and be yourself.  Every female is striving to be this perfect girl who is thin with perfect skin, hair, and teeth and all of these other traits that we THINK define beauty but when you're a girl who loves to eat pizza, not wear makeup, and are not as skinny as the girls on the cover of magazines what then do we think of ourselves??

We idiolize these women on TV not knowing that they face the same day to day struggles that we all face.  They wake up battling the appearance that they see in the mirror and what they want to portray versus the appearance that society has given them and placed upon them.  Everywhere we turn in society we're tearing each other down over appearance.  We cannot escape being consumed by what we look like and how we go about accomplishing it.  I am so sick of the judgement that we place on ourselves and the judgment that we allow others to place on us.  Why can't we get to a place where we just embrace who we are and focus more on the inner appearance? Not at the cost of our sanity and self love.  Not at the cost of our dignity.  We as woman are so much more than what meets the eye. 

If you enjoy wearing makeup and getting dolled up everyday, that's great.  As long as you're happy with the woman that you see in the mirror everyday that is all that counts.  Lets focus more on encouraging and lifting each other up.  Lets stop tearing each other down over small and trivial things that really don't make us any less of a woman than the next.  Your girlie appearance doesn't make you any more or less of a woman than someone who is more casually dressed.  We are all fighting the same battle together, just be the best you that you can be and the rest will work itself out. 

Beauty is only a small portion of who you are.  Don't allow something so small and trivial to make or break you as a woman.  Embrace the skin that you're in, stand tall and proud and love yourself. 
     A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears!!

I love you,

Moeneak

Love yourself first or nobody else will!

Hello LOVIES!

It's the start of a brand new week. Thank you Jesus for allowing me the opportunity to see it! Everyone is certainly not granted this chance! I do hope and pray that you'll have a wonderful week and that you take the time out to thank God for all of the many blessings that you've received thus far.

Self acceptance is such an important trait for everyone to possess. You must first love and respect yourself in order for others to love and respect you. Accept who you are flaws and all. What someone dislikes about you someone else might love. I can't get all deep into the situations that transpired because this blog would be mad long and nobody has time for all that. Lol. Be who you are and be free in it. Own it like there's no tomorrow. 

This life already has a way of making us feel very lonely at times and like we are not good enough. No need for you to add that extra pressure on yourself.  Accept yourself for who God created you to be. He loved you from the beginning and it's time that we start loving ourselves the same way. If you are a shy person, own your shyness. If you don't like to wear makeup, own that you don't like to wear makeup. If you are goofy and quirky, own your goofiness and quirks. Whoever you are just be that. It's too many duplicates in the world that we live in today. Just be you and do you boo!!!

Sooo with that being said......

I am Moeneak. I am sometimes loud and obnoxious. I am sometimes chill and mellow. Sometimes I cry a lot, other times I never shed a tear. I laugh at almost any and everything. I enjoy the simple things that life has to offer. Sometimes I enjoy being dolled up but most days I enjoy being in my jeans, tshirt, and flats. I have blemishes on my skin, my feelings get hurt rather easily. I love hard and I love deep. I can sometimes be very unattached. I get over things quickly and I don't hold grudges. I often times don't do my hair. I don't always make my bed. I sing remotely loud in the shower and in the car (not all that great either) I have absolutely no rhythm (let my friends tell it. I think I've gotten better lol) I sit at home on the sofa with the TV on and the sound on mute. I dance around my home with the broom, mop, or vacuum cleaner pretending to be on some singing or dancing show. I am very much a homebody. I'd rather be home chilling in my jammies any day. I rewatch movies over and over again and laugh at them as if it's my first time seeing it (Sister Act 2, The Little Rascals just to name a few) I am OBSESSED with Tupac. Seriously! I sometimes have my days when I am really in a funk and don't want to be bothered. I am human. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I am simply me. Moeneak Love!!!! 

Have a wonderful week loves!!!!  

You're who you're.....so own it!

Lately I've found myself being more hard on Moeneak then I usually am. I've found myself questioning my position, questioning my talents, my strengths, my career path, my education path, and pretty much everything concerning me. When I tell y'all that this vision board has opened up my mind to endless possibilities, I mean wow. 

Who would have thought that a simple board with cut outs about what direction I see and want my life to go in would lead to so much more. When I sit down and reflect on where I've come from and where I am today, I can say that it was nobody but God. Now to some people on the outside looking in, I have it made. This week I've about heard it all...from how much money I make, to how I look and carry myself, to what more could I possible want. By know means do I have it at all together, I am a work in progress just like everyone else. God has certainly been good to me. In the natural;as well as, in the spiritual aspect.  

I should be so much farther in life then where I am. I've found myself comparing my life and accomplishments to others around me. But I asked myself this question, is God really concerned with my life in comparison to the ones around me? I always thought he viewed me as an individual. And in fact, he does. I might not be where you're in life but I am moving towards something better. I am striving to live a life that's more pleasing. I am moving towards a life that God has predestined and planned out for me. 

The devil has a way of making us feel like we are never good enough. Like we are never moving in the right direction that God has called us to. Sometimes it makes us feel worthless. Like we are never good enough. But those are just lies. We're worthy and we're over comers. Don't let the deceitfulness from the devil or anyone else make you feel like you're not good enough. Use the negative thoughts and feelings as a positive. Let's face it, we all have our low moments. It's in those moments when we feel Gods presence the most. That's when he is the closest to us. Grab hold of him and encourage yourself! 

You're enough. You're an overcomer. You're deserving. Anything you want to do and accomplish, you can!  Use the gifts that you've been blessed with. No matter how far behind we may think we're, we're still making progress. Slow progress is better then no progress at all. There is always tomorrow. Always another chance to start over and get it right. With God on your side he's more than the whole world against you. 

I love you all, 

Moeneak 

Dream BIG

Hello LOVIES!! 

It's been a while since I've chatted with you all. SORRY. Life kind of just got in the way. You know the whole shabang with adult life....work, bills, family, more work blah blah blah blah. Lol. 

Today's blog won't be long, just a quick recap on what's been happening. I hope you all enjoyed your 4th of July weekend. I had a blast. BBQ and fireworks in downtown Nashville was amazing. 

 Today I created a vision board. Cheesy to some but mind triggering for me. Sometimes you just need to write your vision out and make it plan. Putting it onto paper and remind yourself that YOU'RE WORTHY AND DESERVING. Sometimes it's just the simple things like setting some goals and accomplishing them. And most importantly make you happy!!! Dream big for yourself. No one else will believe in you like you can believe in yourself. You're your biggest supporter!!!

I love you!!

Moeneak 😘😘