Hello my Loves!!!!
This week has been a rough week to say the least. I'm not complaining just being transparent. We are all human, so everyday is not sunshine and rainbows. Some days are great...others not so great. This week I found myself having some really low days. More often than usual for me. I live by the statement that everyday might not be a good day but there is something good in everyday. So rather then complain about the things that aren't going right in my life I focus on the things are going great!
Yesterday while scrolling through instagram I came across Kenys's picture. Halfietruths some might know her by, or Dolewite from 101.1 the beats fiancé. In this picture she wore a shirt that had one simple word on it....grow. I instantly liked the picture because I love her. Her hair is what originally drew me to her but then I started to actually read up on her and follow her for more reasons. In this particular picture post she opened up about a miscarriage she and her fiancé experienced. I immediately started to cry...there goes that dern soft side of me. Lol. It broke my heart to know that someone so carrying and loving had to experience such a traumatic heartbreak. I continued to read more of her caption and she began to let others know that she is still growing. While it might not be how she hoped, she is nonetheless growing. She gave the statistics about how 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage and majority of them never muster up the strength to discuss what they've gone through. She let everyone know that she is not alone and neither are they. With that being said.......I am not pregnant and I did not miscarry. Lol.
BUT I am one of the 10% of the 176 million women who suffer from endometriosis. For those of you who don't know, endometriosis is a painful disease in which the tissue that normally lines the inside of the uterus known as the endometrium, grows outside of your uterus. It can cause pain, sometimes very severe and fertility problems develop. At age 13/14 ish I started to experience some of the worst stomach pain of my life. I mean it was unbearable. Sometimes so bad that I wouldn't even make it to school. I went to a few appointments had a few tests done and the results came back...I was one of the million woman who suffered from this condition. I was put on birth control to regulate some of the pain that I was having. And ugh yeah, that didn't help. At 17 I went in for a normal yearly checkout up and I found out that my endometriosis had gotten worse. I was now in Stage 4....severe...I was devastated!! I was informed that in this particular stage of endometriosis your chances of having a baby are at 10%. Definitely not something I wanted to hear, considering I had looked forward to always being a mother. My Dr. informed me at the wonderful age of 17 that if I wanted any chance of becoming a mother it was best for me to do so in the next 2-3 years because by age 21 I would need a full hysterectomy. My eyes filled with tears....I remember this day as if it were yesterday. No woman wants to ever hear those words. I prayed...and I cried...and I prayed...and I cried...and I finally picked myself up. Everyday a different battle. Everyday I woke up feeling less and less like a woman. I felt like I had been stripped of something that was so precious. Something that I dreamed of my whole life. And in an instance it was shattered....right in front of my very eyes. By 21 my pain was so bad that I underwent surgery. I received a hysteroscopy. I had some polyps and cysts removed and some blood drained. Hoping that this would fix the issue....to my surprise...it didn't. At 26 I went back to the doctor for the same unbearable pain...my worst nightmare was right in front of my eyes yet again. Hearing the dreadful words that I'll never be able to conceive a child and that I needed to have this hysterectomy done as soon as possible. I was yet again faced with this tragedy. I prayed...and I cried....I prayed...and I cried...
At the age of 27 I still suffer from this painful disease. I still battle with the pain, the bloating, the swelling, the feeling of not being complete as a woman. I cry countless days asking and praying too God to take this pain away. To heal me from this condition because only he can. I have really low days...more highs than lows. Thankfully. I have a wonderful support team. Family, friends, God parents...they make the journey easy. They encourage and the uplift me. I say all of that to say...I am just like Kenya. I am growing everyday. Not in a way that I ever saw myself growing in. But God has a plan. I won't lie and say that it is easy to understand it, I won't say that I am always the most confident in it; nevertheless, I trust God and I trust in his plan for my life. I thought that not having children would crush me. I could never stomach the thought of me not being a mother. But if his will calls for such, I know that I will not die. I will not fall to the ground and crumble. I will overcome and I will continue to enjoy the rest of the journey that he has for me. I am a lot more stronger than I actually give myself credit for.
So just like Kenya...#Iam1in10 and I will not grieve in silence so others can live in comfort. Kenya, you may never read this blog...but I just want to say thank you. Thank you for your openness, thank you for being so transparent. Thank you for motivating me and allowing me to realize that I am not alone either. Your courage is remarkable. Your generous spirit that you have to help is unbelievable. My prayers are with you always and I wish you nothing but the best that life has to offer. Thank you again.......GROWTH!!!
EVERYDAY MIGHT NOT BE A GOOD DAY BUT THERE IS SOMETHING GOOD IN EVERYDAY!!!!!
Love you always,
Moeneak
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