Live like you're dying!

Hey my LOVIES!!!

How are you all doing? Well, I hope. Let me just give you a recap on what's been happening in my life since the last blog. Work has been......well work. Lol. Life is really good. I'm in a good space and I'm just enjoying life. 

I am currently in Gatlinburg, TN for the weekend. This weekend has been such an eye opener for me. I have learned to stop....take a moment....and really enjoy life. 

A few years back I wrote out my "bucket list" and yes, I know what some of you're  thinking. I know that people usually do this when they are dying. I am not dying (at least I don't think I am and I hope that I am not lol) but I really wanted to do something's before my life is over. Some of those things included riding a roller coaster, bungee jumping, Sky diving, zip lining, swimming with the Dolphins etc. Most of these things I am afraid of and for good reasons I'd imagine. But this was a weekend where so many of my "to do things" we're readily available. There was no backing down now. I am proud to say that I conquered my fears. I rode a few roller coasters (more than one time might I add) I went zip lining (9 courses long) and I bungee jumped.......twice. Crazy, I know but I enjoyed every single moment of it. The bungee jumping is still by far my favorite. 

While standing on the ladder I begin to think about my life and the direction that it is taking. My knees buckled. I was terribly afraid. All kinds of questions running through my head. What if this rope breaks? What if this mat doesn't catch me? What if I accidentally jump before it's time? Lord, this is plum crazy. And then a Tim McGraw song hit me saying someday I hope you get the chance, to live like you're dying. And boom, before I knew it I jumped. I was swaying in the air with nothing holding me but a rope. I remember saying, "Wow God, this is absolutely amazing!!"  I felt so free. I had no care in the world. I was in total utter relaxation mode floating through the air. 

I had conquered a fear and crossed something off my bucket list at the same time. That moment brought about a very different motivation and feeling. It's unexplainable though. It is only a feeling that you can feel by being in that moment. To know that you have reached down and overcome something that most people would never even imagine doing is awesome. 

My advice to you all is to live everyday as if you were dying. While zip lining I meet an awesome women...sweet Mary Ann. Mary Ann was an 84 year old women who was dying. She lives with an oxygen tank attached to her at all times

. Mary Ann wanted to go zip lining with her entire family before she died. And she did just that. On this trip Mary Ann really touched me. She showed me the importance of living everyday like it is your last. She showed how important it is to conquer any fears that you have because you never know when your time will come. Even though Mary Ann was dying she had the most beautiful spirit. She kept a huge smile on her face that would light up a room. 

Live for today loves. Enjoy each day with your loved ones as if it's your last. Enjoy your life. Conquer fears. Use your strengths and abilities that God blessed us all with. Step out of your comfort zone. The rewards are far greater then you could ever imagine!!! Life is about moments. Don't wait for them......CREATE THEM!!

Love you babes, 

Moeneak

Divorce was NEVER in the plan

Hey Lovies,

September 06, 2009....... a day that was supposed to be the happiest day in my life.  I waited twenty two long years to be in this position.  I dreamed about my wedding day for so long.  My envision of what it would be like, my envision of what a marriage was supposed to resemble.  It was a day that I believed was the best day of my life.  I stood there with a huge smile on my face.  A mask of smiles that I had worn for over two years.  I longed and prayed for others to see through the smile and connect with the hurt and pain that I was really experiencing. But if they were to see through the hurt would I listen?  Would I take the necessary steps to get me out of this situation?  Or would I ignore them and continue to live in this pain?  How long would I allow myself to endure this unhappiness?  How long would I try to prove to the people who said that my marriage wouldn't last past a year that I could stick it out and overcome?  When does enough become enough?  When does my desire for total and complete happiness come first?  

September 06, 2010....... the day that my world shattered and crashed to the ground.  (Or so I believed)  The day that I signed my divorce papers.  The day that I was freed from all traces of unhappiness, hurt, and pain.  The day that my life started over.  The day that I should have realized that I was being blessed with a second chance at life.  The day that changed my life forever......

For those of you who don't know, back in 2009 I made the best and worst decision of my life by getting married.  I say best and worst because now looking back on it and all of the knowledge that I gained from the experience, I have every right to be grateful.  I like most women in the world had a vision and plan for my life.  Ladies, you know the be married by a certain age, have children by this age, establish yourself in a career plan.  Yeah, well my plan was to be married by 22, have my first child at age 25, and be established in my Psychology career completely by 30.  Ha. That certainly didn't go as planned.  Although, I was married by 22 but never was it in the plan for me to be divorced by 23.  But boy does life have a way of throwing curve balls at you.  My decision to marry my ex-husband was based solely on a plan.  Did I love him? Absolutely.  Was I even remotely close to being ready for a life long commit like marriage? Absolutely not. But I had a plan.  Was he ready for a life long commit like marriage? Uh...no.  Was I aware of this?? Of course...but, I had a plan.  You see, I had a plan and that plan was going to be followed regardless of the outcome.  I didn't care about being unhappy.  I didn't care about being hurt.  I didn't care about the disfunction.  I didn't care about MOENEAK.  I cared about Moeneak's plan and only that.

I never realized how much I was hurting myself until I moved 6.5 hours away from my family and friends.  I was taken out of my comfort zone and thrown into an environment that I was not mentally, physically, or emotionally able to deal with.  My marriage had its share of ups and downs.  Just like any marriage.  More downs than ups for me though.  I lost myself in this  marriage.  I tried so hard to be someone that I wasn't and to prove to those around me that I was built for this. I tried to be this strong and submissive women to a man who I didn't trust to run our household.  A man who I felt no sense of security with.  A man who I was not happy with.  A man who I was never intended to be with.  A man who I was afraid of.  A man who I didn't walk side by side with because we could never agree on anything.  Now I know some of you might think that I place the blame on him...well I don't.  I fault no one but myself.  I made the decision to connect  myself with someone who I should not have.  I made the decision to disobey proper guidance from others when it came to marrying him.  I made the decision to remain in a relationship that was not allowing me to grow and better myself.  I am not angry with my ex-husband.  I am angry with myself.  I know better.  I was not raised like this.  I was raised as a very strong, independent women.  I was raised to know right from wrong.  But if I turn away now what will others say about me?  How will other people look at me?  How long before everyone forgets about this?    How long before the hurt and pain ends?

September 16, 2014.......I am now 27 years old.  A lot wiser and a lot happier.  I have no husband....no children....and I am still not in my field of study.  I am happier then I have ever been in my life, I am free, I am at a place where I can lift up my hands and thank God for allowing me to go through my marriage and divorce experience.  It was an experience that taught me the importance of having a relationship with God.  It taught me how honorable and valueable marriage can be when you're marrying the one that God has predestined for you to marry.  It taught me the power of walking in agreement.  It taught me how to love Moeneak even when no one else will.  It taught me the importance of communication.  It taught me that it is okay for me to be weak and allow God to be my strength.  It taught me that my plans are certainly not like God's plans and that even though I don't always understand his will for my life it's better to just follow him.  It taught me that it's okay to mess up.  Without a mess up I would never know God can pick me up and turn my whole entire world around.  I am not my past failures.  I am not my past mistakes.  I am not that 22 year old girl without a voice.  I stand strong in my beliefs and I now know and believe for myself that I am far more worthy of everything that God has for me.  I disobeyed him and he yet and still gave me a way of escape.  He yet blessed me with far more than I could ever imagine.  My marriage and divorce was a stepping stone to get me to this exact place that I am in right now.  I would not be who I am today without this experience.  It took me 4 years to get to this place that I am in now.  Emotionally.  I have those days where I long to be married and I know that it will happen for me but not at the cost of a plan dealine.  At the right time and with the right man that God has for me. 

Always remember that just because you have a plan for your life it doesn't mean that God has the same plan.  Line up with his plan and watch how amazing your life will be.  Just like me you can recover.  It takes time to heal all wounds but it is possible.  Never neglect who you are for anyone.  Stand strong and firm on what you believe in.  Your happiness is what ultimately matters.  And finally you will realize...you can't force "it" to be something.  You can't force consistency, loyalty, or even honesty.  You can't force them to keep their word, or to communicate, or to realize something special is in front of them...we've all been there and done that.  Know your worth!!!

Love you much,

Moeneak

Thank you Tiana and Catrice 😘

They say a good friend is hard to find and once you find one hold on tight and never let them go. Well, today I would just like to thank God for blessing me to see two of my best friends live another year. Tiana and Catrice have been the definition of true friends. They've been there during some of the trying times of my life, during my happiest moments of life, during my craziest moments of life. I've shed a many tears with these women but I've shed even more smiles and laughter with these ladies. 

For years I've struggled with giving myself so freely to others and received nothing in return. But these women have never taken me through that. Our friendship is not based on who calls or texts each other the most, it's not based on what one can do or not do for each other, it's not unbalanced. It's designed to cater and fit everyone of our individual needs. These ladies are real with me and they allow me to be real with them. They allow me to be the real Moeneak. I don't have to put on a front in front of them in fear of them judging me. I can talk to them about God knows what and I know they'll be there to hear me. 

I have witnessed them overcome some hills, and obstacles that probably would have broke most of us. These women are strong, independent, head strong go getters. I look up to them and the drive that they have is often times unrealistic. I question God and ask why and how I was so lucky to come out with such great friends. And now the tears begin to roll. Smh, I'm such a freaking baby. 

But on today I want to give honor and credit where it's due. These women have helped me on my journey of life and I don't tell them thank you enough. So thank you Catrice and Tiana. Thank you for giving yourselves to me so freely, thank you for trusting me and allowing me to share your lives with you, thank you for sticking it out and not giving up on me like so many other "friends" have, thank you for allowing me to be Moeneak, thank you for accepting me flaws and all, thank you for never turning me away when I needed you or didn't need you, thank you for going down this journey of life with me, and most importantly thank you for just being you. 

I don't know what the future holds for anyone of us but I wouldn't want to experience it without you ladies. Keep striving for better, you're deserving of everything this world has to offer. 

I love you ladies. Happy Birthday!!! (Yearly birthday song coming ASAP, and NO I still don't know the lyrics) 😂😂😂😂😘😘😘

Moeneak 

You're the CEO of your life

Happy Sunday Lovies!!

Often times in our life it is nice to have people in your corner to lean on and people that have known us since we were little.  Those are the people who tend to know your story from the very beginning.  They are the ones who know you best.  Although, no one can stand in your shoes and know every little detail of what it is like to walk in your shoes.  No one has been through the exact same battle that you have been through and nobody knows what it feels like to be you.  No one except for you, of course.

When I look back on my life and the many friends that I've had there have been times when I've felt very lonely and wished that my life was as glorious as there lives "appeared" to be.  I say appeared because we all know that everything that glitters is not gold.  We are all battling our own separate battles everyday.  Some just hide the battle better then others; but nevertheless, there is a battle.  You notice that people start venturing out into the world and becoming adults, while some are just struggling to make it through that specific day.  It seems like everyone is finding their perfect soul mate whom they'll spend the rest of their lives with while some of us only have a comfy blanket and a teddy bear that we cuddle up with at night.  For some they will say just how sad that really is but hey, it's the reality for several of us.  Some of us are walking into careers that we have dreamed of our entire lives and others are in a battle trying to figure out exactly who they are.  And then there are those who have absolutely zero motivation to strive for anything in life but only to have things handed to them.  And trust me, these are all stages in my life that I have experienced and yet and still experience.  Minus the last one, I am very motivated about the things that I want out of life and the direction that I see my life heading in, but I have had obstacles thrown in my way that at times have caused me to focus my attention else where. 

I dropped out of college a few years back when I went through my divorce.  I was in a very low place and the 20 plus years that I spent building myself up and believing in my greatness was shattered in a blink of an eye.  I started to battle with low self esteem, I gained a tremendous amount of weight, I cried and beat myself up for years.  I questioned why something so horrible and tragic had to happen to me.  I will not go into the details because I plan on sharing that story in another blog, but just know that even though the odds were stacked against me I fought through the pain.  I fought through the tears.  I fought through the slandering of my name and character.  I fought and I pressed my way and I came out standing much taller than I myself even expected.  It took for me to go through that situation because it taught me that I am in charge of my own happiness.  My happiness is not predicated on what others say about me or what they bring to the table.  It showed me that self love is such an important trait to possess.  It showed me that making a move in the wrong season of your life can be very much detrimental to your path in which you are taking.  The whole don't be "unequally yoked" scripture.......very much a truth to it.  Not just in marriage, but life in general.  Whether it be with friendships, family, or work peers.  Don't get yourself caught up in something that can hinder your purpose in life.  Surround yourself around people who are going in similar directions as you, people who want similar things out of life as you, people who can push you and motivate you to want better for yourself, people who can pray and believe for you when you are not strong enough to pray and believe for yourself.  People who you can trust and that will be there to stand with you when the loads get heavy because trust me, they will get heavy.  I am thankful for my struggles because without them I would not have stumbled across my strengths. 

Most importantly trust in your self.  Believe in your own strengths.  Get to a place where you can push and motivate yourself even when no one else will do it.  You are your biggest cheerleader.  You are your biggest fan.  Don't doubt yourself while you go through the tough moments of your life.  Tell yourself that this will only last for a season and in due time you will come out of it.  Tell yourself that you are more than a conqueror.  Tell yourself that you deserve better and that you can have whatever your heart desires.  Tell yourself that you are beautiful, fearfully, and wonderfully made.  Surround yourself around positivity and positivity will show on you.  Speak positive things into your life and positive things will begin to happen for you.  The Bible says that the power of life and death is in your tongue.  So say something encouraging to yourself everyday.  Give yourself a compliment everyday.  Love yourself a little bit more everyday.  Be the best you that you can be everyday.  Yesterday is done and over with so don't bring the troubles of yesterday into your tomorrow. Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.

I love you all
XOXO

Moeneak :)

Tip toe if you must.....but take the step :)

Hello LOVIES!!! 

How are you all doing on this lovely Saturday?? I hope you are all doing well.  Can we please take a moment to admire this beautiful fall season that we are stepping into?? Fall is certainly my FAVORITE season. The leaves start to changing colors, the weather is just right, the fall fragrances start coming out and most importantly it's a step closer to my favorite holiday.......CHRISTMAS!! 15 Saturdays and 5 days closer to be exact. :)

I felt the need to clear up some things about my blog that I haven't yet spoken on.  In an earlier blog I spoke about how I was praying to God about my blog.  Whether it was something that I needed to continue on in or if it were something that would draw me away from more important things in life.  I personally believe that my confirmation came and blogging is definitely something I will continue to do; as long as, you'll continue to support me and read them.  I have talked to several people from all walks of life, and several of my mentors and I am going to remain reconciling people to God and speaking words of encouragement to those that feel discouraged.  My God dad always tells me that God has not given us a ministry of condemnation but a ministry of reconciliation.  All people really need and want to know is that there is a life beyond their pain.  (Pastor Demetries Ceaser)

This is not a blog page where I will in anyway preach to you.  Your faith and beliefs are yours and my faith and beliefs are mine.  I believe in God, Jesus, and everything else that the Bible speaks on...therefore, you will read about some of that on my blogs.  You will read about my personal testimonies of things he has healed me from, things that he has brought me out of, ways that he has made for me and any other awesome things that he has done for me.  I will in no way, shape, form, or fashion knock you or judge you if you have other beliefs.  All I ask is that you respect my beliefs and not judge or criticize me for them.  Most of my blogs that I post are my personal testimonies of things that I have battled, things that I have overcome, and things that I am struggling or dealing with.  I speak only from experience.  I will in no way speak on anything that I have not gone through because I do not have any sound advice or knowledge to offer on the subjects. 

I consider you all my family...this is a place where I get to be myself and offer words of encouragement for others, but you all are also free to offer words of encouragement back. I love when you all interact with me and ask me questions or send me nice little text messages and emails.  It really brings a smile to my face.  So feel free to comment on the blogs, continue to interact with me, voice your opinions, and offer your advice.  I am always up for it.  As some of you know, I always respond back to you.  It might take some time but I always respond.  If you have specific topics or things you would for me to discuss fell free to let me know and I will post a blog on it.  Keep in mind, if it is something that I have not experienced or gone through I will have no answer for you but some words of encouragement or a prayer.  I do not want to overstep my boundaries or tell you all anything wrong.  I don't take your love for granted and I don't take it lightly.  I appreciate everything that you do: from sharing my blogs, to encouraging me, to just allowing me to share my stories with you.  Thank you for your support and lets continue on this walk together.  Pushing and encouraging each other to strive for better!!!!

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.  Tip toe if you must, but take the step.

Have a beautiful weekend,

Moeneak :)